2016 Edition
By TLC Nielsen
I’ve met a lot of married folks in my life, but none as
unique as Dan and Elizabeth Chessman. They celebrated 35 years of marriage last
year and are active in so many spheres: work, church, music, volunteering,
horse training and more. Both have faced health challenges and keep on keeping on. The energy and positive
insight of these two is evident in Dan’s answers to my 7 questions (one for
every 5 years of their marriage!)
Welcome, Chesman Duo!
Q) You two put so much
time and energy into everything you do. I thought I’d start out by asking what
holiday activities you chose to invest yourselves in, separately and as a
couple?
A) This Christmas holiday season has flown by us so fast,
we, unfortunately, didn't get everything done that we wanted to do in
preparation for it. Individually, Elizabeth did all the decorating of our
home and did a great job doing so even though she has been in a lot of
pain from rotator cuff surgery performed last June. It is taking a longer
period of time to heal due to the serious nature of her injury and the toll
diabetes has taken on her body over the years. It didn't help to have a
visit from a flu bug that made its way to both of us during the time, either!
As a couple, we celebrated part of my vacation traveling
down to St. Louis, Missouri, on Amtrak, to visit my 94 year old mother and my
brother (before the floods came). It was special to do this because this
was the first year working for the railroad that I have had enough seniority to
request Christmas week off. It was also the first time Elizabeth and I
had not only traveled somewhere for Christmas, but taken the Amtrak anywhere
since I left them to join Metra ten years ago. The trip was great!
We were joined by our youngest son, who flew in from Dallas. The three of
us traveled by Amtrak back to Chicago on Christmas Eve to celebrate Christmas
with our two other children.
We also had the delight during this season of hosting our
oldest son and his girlfriend for a dinner and a concert by Sarah Groves, a
well-known Christian songwriter and singer.
One of the highlights this season for Dan was hosting a
Christmas party on his evening commuter train shortly before going on vacation
for a small group of passengers and co-workers he has had the privilege to get
to know over the last couple of years. God has put them on his heart and
grown in love for them. The party was a simple way of showing that. His
heart's desire is to live Christ among them and love them to bits in the hope
that someday they will see and understand how precious they are to God and
accept his priceless gift of the cross into their hearts.
Dan was blessed with an opportunity, also, to visit and
minister with his cello to an individual from church, who is in hospice. It has
been a great holiday season of blessings for which we are deeply
grateful.
Q) What parts of your
life keep you bonded as a couple? How do the separate elements play into this?
A) Without question, the most powerful force that has helped
us bond as a couple from the very beginning in our marriage has been our
individual and corporate walks with the Lord! With his strength and power
we have stayed together through the years, even with a two-plus year
separation. It has been God who has enabled us to do this, for without
him, we would not been able to come close to trying to keep the vows we made in
the beginning.
Our common, consistent faith in the strong anchor and the
Grace to continue to hunger and thirst for God, to be desperate for him enough
to maintain our spending one-on one time with God frequently and be involved
with his people in a good church, has been the key. And this is a gift
from the Lord, not because of any steadfast personal strength! Without this
gift of himself, we would not have had the strength or motivation to make it
through the times of great difficulty, past and present.
It has also been helpful to find a hobby that we are both
passionate about. This, too, has been a gift. For us, it has been
an enjoyment of horses. We have been very fortunate to enjoy them
together and to serve each other in making this a reality. This has been
a recreational intimacy.
Q) You’ve had some
health concerns as you’ve reached the “over 40” status of life. I loved the
newspaper article on Dan’s replacement surgery. But how have you two “danced”
together in marriage through the pain and healing you’ve both experienced?
A) Our physical and emotional health has had a powerful
impact on our marriage through the years. We both brought backgrounds that have
presented hurdles to emotional intimacy. Elizabeth's diabetes and Dan's
recent surgeries heavily affected life's routines. Every marriage experiences
these challenges at some point, and in various degrees, yet facing them is part
of the journey together. In our marriage, these have been opportunities
to learn to love and serve each other. They cannot be denied or fled from, and
part of our "dance" together is striving to grow to help each other
in sincere love in the many needs these challenges present.
Q) Elizabeth and Dan,
you both give so much time as volunteers. How do you juggle everything else and
volunteering?
A) It is true that Elizabeth and I are involved in volunteer
activities. We try to work around each other's passions to minister and
serve in what we feel are things God has seemingly called us to. There is
a mutual respect for each other's feelings in going about this. To be
sure, it is part of our "dance," and there has to be constant effort
on both of our parts to allow more time together for our marriage, by
communicating about our days and how they went and about things coming up that
will affect schedules and allocation of time in shared priorities and needs -
individually and as a couple.
Q) Music, I know, is
important to both of you. Dan is learning cello after playing baritone all
these years with the Lakeland Brass. What other hobbies keep you busy, especially
those you pursue together?
A) It is good that Elizabeth enjoys me practicing both
musical instruments because I have had to increase the amount of time devoted
to learning a new instrument as well as maintain and prepare for performances
on the baritone. She enjoys listening to the music in the home, even with all
the squeaks, mistakes, and repetitions! Knowing this has been of great
encouragement to me to continue with both, for there are times of
discouragement. I try to be sensitive to her activities such as time of
day and her desire to watch certain television programs.
Other activities, in addition to horses, that we enjoy doing
together include eating out and watching movies. Elizabeth enjoys board
games a lot and it’s good for us to engage in these. Time spent playing
those games together allows us better opportunity to communicate with each
other.
Q) You two often
travel to the barn together on weekends. You both love horses so how has that
played into your marriage?
A) Our shared love of horses involves helping each other in
our favorite activities with them. For Elizabeth, it is riding
(Western-style) and driving a horse and buggy for me. Elizabeth has,
unfortunately, had to cease with horse activities due to health for a long time.
We hope she can again pursue riding again. She has been a huge help
for me in the past when preparing the horse and buggy for an afternoon drive,
with its myriad of necessary tasks. I hope she can regain full use of her
shoulder someday so she can help me once again.
The cool thing about having a strong interest in the same
thing is that it isn't confined to, or dependent on, being able to participate
in it especially in owning a live horse and all that is associated with it.
This is an interest that can be enjoyed by attending many related events
taking place in a regional area, and even traveling to other regions and
continents. This, I believe, would be true for a lot of many other
interests a couple might have together.
For us, this interest has provided a therapeutic outlet both
individually and as a couple. It has provided a broadened opportunity to
interact and bond together.
Final question, I
promise! What would you say are the top two marriage building insights you’ve
learned through three and a half decades?
A) I would say the number one of the two most important
marriage building insights would be each spouse's personal walk and growth in
their relationship with Jesus Christ. Our foundation on a daily basis has to be
receiving the spiritual feeding we each need not only for ourselves, but for
our spouse, our children, and the others God has and will bring into our lives
in order to live out the tremendous love, mercy and grace God has poured out
lavishly on us during our numbered days on this earth!! We desperately need a
power beyond ourselves to help bring his kingdom, that is, his love, mercy, and
grace to this world, and it starts with God's power in each of our lives first.
We all deeply need life giving motivation, strength and endurance
spiritually, emotionally, and physically (to whatever degree he has chosen) to
meet the commitment marriage requires.
The
second most important marriage building insight would be communication between
husband and wife. Our lives are " fearfully and wonderfully"
designed by God, himself, with all the differences and complexities involved.
Communication between two in a marriage requires trust and clarity in order to
achieve oneness in spirit and the capacity and ability to show Christ to a
world truly lost to eternity.
Thank you, Dan and
Elizabeth, for being highlighted on the Extraordinary Ordinary blog!
Here's the link to the article on Dan's ankle replacement surgery:
There are more
extraordinary tales of ordinary folks featured here once a month at
www.lookandbe.blogspot.com. If
someone you know would like to be featured, please contact TLC Nielsen at
soulfixer 13 (at) yahoo (dot) com and put “lookandbe nominee” in the subject
line. Merry New Year!
