When an
extraordinary circumstance comes into our lives, wherever we are in the journey, our ordinary world expands and we are changed forever. Becoming a grandparent is one such
extraordinary event. Kathleen Helgesen is a new grandparent and a fellow Word
Weaver. She’s been published in Splickety Magazine and considers herself a
romantic suspense novelist, working on the Donovan trilogy set in Wisconsin. Book one, her work in progress, is entitled “Seeking True North.”
Welcome, Kathy!
Q) Where were
you when you found out grandparenthood was around the corner? How much “prep”
time were you given?
A) It was the
cutest thing. We were visiting my daughter in Fort Myers for Christmas and her
gifts to my husband, myself and our other two daughters visiting with us were
infant “onesies” with Grandpa, Grandma and Aunt printed on them with the baby’s
due date.
Q) Since your
family lives out of state, what were your plans for grandparenting from afar?
A) I felt chaos
churning, thinking how we would be the “hands on” grandparents we wanted to be
with my daughter living thousands of miles away in Florida. We thought about
purchasing a park trailer at a permanent site so I could stay at length when
needed. We had always planned on retiring to Florida, so this just pushed up
the clock. For the moment, however, we were looking at temporary fixes and
would find that retirement home when the time actually came. I had already quit my job at the library and
finished the writing certificate for which I’d gone back to school. One of the
charms of being a writer is that you can do it anywhere.
The kids changed
that idea by moving to Michigan this spring. We don’t see them as much as we
want and are coming to terms with the realization that we won’t be able to be
as hands-on as we wanted in our grandson’s life. We won’t be retiring to Michigan. Winter is
the one thing I’m looking forward to leaving behind.
Q) Who else in
your family “shifted” positions, becoming an aunt, grandpa…?
A) Grandpa (my
husband) talked endlessly about being a hands-on grandpa. You know, being there
for T-ball, the Christmas musical, school sports, etc. He’s not yet retired,
so it’s impossible at this point since the drive is about five hours from our
home in Wisconsin. We can make some weekend visits while we’re still here. We
do talk about flying Noah back for hunting trips in northern Wisconsin, which
Grandpa plans to continue even after our retirement move and wonders how long
he has to wait to start doing that.
Q) When the baby
came, what changed? Was anything different than what you had anticipated?
A) I was
thrilled that my daughter asked me to come down for a few weeks while she was
on maternity leave to spend time with her and babysit when they went out or when
friends visited. It was wonderful, nothing out of the norm. I never got enough
of holding the little guy. I suppose that’s why I had four children.
The way we
interacted changed, we face timed instead of visiting (not as much fun). We
were still doing online searches for places to live in Florida when they
dropped the bomb that they would be moving to Michigan. We were planning to
take a cruise out of Fort Lauderdale in April and were going to drive down a
week earlier to visit and look at communities on our list. Their house sold and
they were in Michigan before we even made the trip. We still looked at houses
but grieved the fact the kids were no longer in Florida.
I guess the
anticipated ‘hands on’ grandparenting is out of the picture for the most part.
We’re getting used to the idea of the visiting grandparent and look forward to
the times we can either visit or have little Noah visit us. The plus side is that I
have more time to spend with Noah. I need to work on discipline in my writing, however.
I see a squirrel and I’m distracted.
Q) How did your
writing and your grandparenting intersect?
A) I don’t have
any special urges to write children’s stories if that’s what you mean. I do
like to watch people, however, and having a grandchild in my life is
interesting. I forgot what life is like through a child’s eye and look forward
to seeing how Noah reacts to life in general. In the second book of my trilogy,
Tim Donovan tries helping a young woman with two very young children run from
an abusive husband. The third book in the Donovan trilogy (the oldest Donovan
child) will be about a young widowed mother. I haven’t decided on the kids’
ages yet, but with Noah around, you can bet I’ll be taking note of how he acts
and what he says to make those kids realistic!
Q) Do any of the
characters in your mystery novel reflect any of the impact grandparenthood has
had on you?
A) It’s funny,
the main characters are my children’s age. The Donovan family is close. Jo
Donovan (from Seeking True North) has a very special relationship with her
grandfather. I mirrored that
after my relationship with my grandpa. But I’m not looking at it from the
grandparents’ point of view yet. I don’t feel as old as I remember my
grandparents being or the ones in my story world. I can certainly feel the
aches and pains the Donovan patriarchs feel, and I can relate to the love they
have for their grandchildren and what they want for them. I also have a better
feel for the role of grandparents; you know a step removed from actual
parenting. Grandma Donovan likes to do a little matchmaking, so did my
real-life grandma. Maybe I will too, who knows? I write what I’ve seen and
felt. All my characters reflect that.
Thanks for coming to the Extraordinary Ordinary here at
lookandbe.blogspot.com. It's amazing how God takes ordinary folks on extraordinary adventures. If you'd like to nominate an extraordinary ordinary, please contact TLC at soulfixer 13 at yahoo (dot) com and put "lookandbe" in the subject line!
